Of Snappy Banter and Amusing Fights
by Mulligatawny
Summary: The random situations Sam&Freddie get into and the love that's in between the lines. /Seddie drabble series.
1. Spanish Lesson

**Disclaimer: I don't own what isn't mine.**

**(A/N) So I've decided to start a fluffy/humorous Seddie drabble series because they're my number one ship. Some background information would be to assume they're dating in all drabbles unless otherwise stated. There really isn't going to be a chronological order to this. I'd say this could be Season 4 time-wise if Seddie happens. But that could be different for other drabbles asknowing me, I might make a drabble that takes place before all the others. Well, I hope you enjoy the first installment, which by the way is me trying my hand at writing dialogue-only. Feedback appreciated.**

**(And so the drabble series begins...)**

* * *

"Sup, Dorkwad?"

"What do you want, demon?"

"Touchy. I'm just here for my Spanish lesson you promised me."

"I never promised to give you a Spanish lesson!"

"Yeah, you did. Right after I told you I'd fail the grade if I didn't pass Spanish and right before I reminded you that I'm your girlfriend who has the ability to_..._I don't know...send you to the hospital if you refuse me?"

"Oh right...Now I remember. Heh. Silly me. Of course I'll help you and your short attention span with the difficult concept of learning a foreign language."

"Great."

"Yeah. Great. Let's start now. Is that good enough for you?"

"If I ignore the sarcasm, then yes, it is good enough for me."

"Okay. Now let's begin. Repeat after me-"

"That's not Spanish. You're supposed to teach me Spanish."

"I'm trying to."

"Then why haven't you started?"

"Because you interrupted me."

"Because you were talking in English when you're supposed to be teaching me Spanish. Nub."

"I was talking in English because I didn't start the lesson yet. And that nub comment was completely uncalled for."

"It was totally called for. Dork-o."

"Dork-o?"

"It's Spanish for dork."

"No it isn't. That;s just adding an 'o' to the word dork. Not everything in Spanish is an English word with an 'o' at the end."

"Fine. If that's not Spanish for dork, then what is?"

"Idiota. Dork-o is just dork with an 'o' at the end."

"Isn't 'idiota' just idiot with an 'a' at the end?"

"Yeah but-"

"But nothing. For all you know, I'm right."

"If you apparently know everything about Spanish, then why'd you come for me to help?"

"..."

"Ha! You have no response! Freddie Benson wins again!"

"Enough with your dorky nubbiness and continue the stupid Spanish lesson already."

"Fine."

"What is that Spanish for?"

"That's not Spanish. That's English."

"Why are you talking in English when I need to be learning Spanish?"

"But if I talk to you in Spanish, you wouldn't understand me. Although that's preferable...Ow! Why'd you smack me?"

"That is no way to talk to your girlfriend! Are you implying that I'm too stupid to understand you when you talk in Spanish?"

"No! But how are you supposed to understand Spanish when I haven't taught you anything except 'idiota'?"

"That's your fault!"

"How is it my fault?"

"Because you're a horrible Spanish teacher! If you were a better teacher, then I'd be able to understand you when you talk in Spanish."

"I haven't even been teaching you for a day!"

"Well...you know what they say about that Rome city in Spain!"

"Rome's in Italy."

"This is supposed to be a Spanish lesson, not a geography class!"

"Fine! Back to the Spanish lesson! Jeez!"

"I'd say something but I really need to learn Spanish. Like now."

"You can't learn Spanish in a day!"

"Well, have you ever tried?"

"No but-"

"But nothing! You know nothing! Now go back to teaching me Spanish."

"No."

"What is that Spanish for?"

"That wasn't Spanish. That was English."

"That's exactly what I mean! How am I supposed to learn Spanish if you keep on yapping in English?"

"I give up!"

"You can't give up on me!"

"Watch me!"

"No! You can't give up if I fire you as my Spanish tutor! So you know what? YOU'RE FIRED!"

"FINE! Fire me! Now I don't have to put up with your nonsense!"

"Fantastic! You wanna know why?"

"Go ahead! What do I care? Tell me why, Sam! Make me madder at you!"

"I'll tell you why! Now, I can beat up a nerd until he agrees to tutor me in Spanish and you can take me to the Groovy Smoothie! TAKE THAT FREDDORK!"

"I don't have to take that but I will! Forget about Spanish!"

"To the Groovy Smoothie!"

"Vamonos al Groovy Smoothie!"

"Did you just say let's burn down the Groovy Smoothie?"

"On second thought, maybe you should get the Spanish lesson first."


	2. Bunny Adoption

**(A/N) This drabble was inspired by iSam's Mom when Sam and her mom start talking about Sam's bunny that her mom gave away. Also, this drabble is a little long for a drabble so it's more of a oneshot. I got carried away. But I hope you enjoy it anyways.**

There were a lot of things that Freddie Benson knew about his girlfriend, Sam Puckett.

She was loud, rude, mean, addicted to food, and enjoyed the pain of others.

However, he didn't know that she had a soft spot for adorable fluffy bunnies.

So imagine his surprise when Sam ran into the Shay apartment, demanding he take her to the animal shelter so she could adopt a bunny.

"Wait, did you say 'bunny'? Did you mean Rottweiler? Or Doberman? Or anything that could bite someone's head off?", Freddie asked, shock etched across his face. Sam smiled. "That's right. A bunny. Preferably a white one who's willing to eat Fat Cakes. But if it's black and can't digest junk food like a real man, then I'll settle."

Freddie stared at her. Had he inadvertently stepped into The Twilight Zone? Or did he fall down the rabbit hole? Whatever happened, it must've sent him to a world where up was down, right was left, and iCarly wasn't awesome. After all, Sam Puckett aka the Violent Carnivore loving a creature as weak and helpless as a bunny? Impossible!

"Well? Are you taking me or do I have to drag you to the bus station?", Sam inquired impatiently. '_Can't he see that this is super important? They might run out of me-worthy bunnies if we take too long!',_ she thought.

"Fine, I'll take you. But wait...Where did you get the money?", he asked. The last thing he needed was for the cops to show up at the animal shelter to arrest Sam for stealing money from a hobo. He felt that some things shouldn't happen more than twice. She gave him her signature smirk. "Well, remember when I fought with my mom?" Freddie nodded his head. Sam continued. "Well, she promised me she'd take me to get a bunny to replace the one she gave away a few years ago. But there's a cop show marathon on all day today and she doesn't want to miss the opportunity to learn new tricks to fool the cops. So you're taking me."

Freddie made a mental note that she implied he had no choice but to take her. He almost told her off for not letting him make his own decision but he decided against it when he saw the excitement Sam was trying to repress. He sighed and started walking towards the door. Sam grinned and followed him.

Twenty minutes later, Sam and Freddie got off the bus and entered the animal shelter. Freddie informed the receptionist that they were looking for a bunny. A red-headed volunteer who appeared to be a few years older than them who was coincidentally named Sam came and led them to the bunny section out in the backyard. As they made their way there, Sam told the volunteer she had one of the best names ever. Sam the volunteer thanked her and asked Sam the Fat Cake lover what her name was. "Sam, same as you.", she answers. Sam the volunteer chuckled and Freddie sighed. Only Sam the aspiring Invisible Ninja would tell someone with her name that their name was the best name ever.

Sam the Volunteer opens a glass sliding door at the end of the hallway and led Sam the Secret Bunny Lover and Freddie to the backyard. There was a series of hutches in rows and colums against the back fence, each filled with an incredibly adorable bunny. Most were napping, some were hopping around their home, but there was one particular bunny that caught Sam and Freddie's eye. It was white with black patches and it was munching on a carrot as long as its head.

Sam the Sadist pointed to that bunny and asked Sam the Volunteer about it. "Oh, that's a newer arrival. He was donated to us by an elderly couple that didn't want to own the bunny anymore. They said they were tired of constantly having to feed him.", Sam the Volunteer informed them. Freddie was about to say that they'd look for a less hungry bunny when Sam the Crazy Blonde exclaimed "We'll take it! It's like me, only in bunny form. Old people don't want it and it eats a lot!" Sam the volunteer looked at Sam the Human Bullhorn like she's deranged.

"Okay then...This'll be your bunny.", Sam the volunteer told them. "What are you going to name it?", Freddie asked Sam the Experienced Criminal. Sam thought this over for a second. "Sir Awesomeness.", she decided as if it's a perfectly normal name for a domesticated mammal of the adorable kind.

Sam the Volunteer took the bunny Sir Awesomeness out of his hutch and handed him to Sam. Sam started stroking his soft fur. "So Freddork...Wanna do me a favor and buy Sir Awesomeness a bag of high-quality rabbit food? And a collar? And a vaccination? And maybe even a comfy rabbit bed?", Sam the Proud Bunny Owner asked innocently. Freddie glared at Sam. Sam held Sir Awesomeness in front of Freddie's face. "Are you going to say no to this?", Sam the Sneaky Girlfriend told Freddie in a sweet voice in an attempt to guilt trip him.

As if to emphasize what Sam the Bully said, Sir Awesomeness made a cute snuffling sound. Freddie groaned in defeat. "Agh. Sam, why do you make it impossible to say no? Just take the money and buy the stuff yourself.", Freddie relented and handed Sam the Skirt Hater a few twenty-dollar bills. He also took out a five-dollar bill and was about to hand it to Sam the Converse Lover when Sir Awesomeness reached his head out, snatched it with his mouth, and started chewing it.

Freddie was about to try to convince Sam the Smoothie Addict to adopt a different bunny when Sam the Volunteer showed up with the adoption forms. Sam the Lazy Student quickly signed all the appropriate spots, officially making her the owner of a bunny that ate a lot, was disliked by the elderly, and stole Freddie's money just like she did.

Needless to say, Sam the iCarly co-host was much more excited than Freddie.


End file.
